And it begins:

So the date is officially scheduled for Tuesday. I am actualyl nervous about it, because I havent been on a date in almost 4 years. And, its with someone Ive never actually met face to face, which makes things even weirder. But, im still looking forward to it, as you always have to try new things, correct?

So I am now 30. Its so weird to say it. I just celebrated my birthday this week, and went to bed one night, still in my 20s, and woke up in my 30s. Its so weird to think I have to mark off a different check box on things that require me to put my age.

It was a pretty quiet birthday. The day before I had dinner with my Dad and brother and sister. I got lots of gift cards to Bed bath & beyond (which i need) and AmEx gift cards as well (I told them that I dont need more stuff, but I do love to shop). For my actual birthday I did something that I probably shouldnt have. I went to dinner with the Ex. We have been talking a lot more, and Im moving on which is a great thing, but I was sort of sucked back into the situation at dinner. Shes been acting really nice, and making comments about what a mistake she made, and how she wants to come back (but without actually saying it of course). Well thats not entirely true, she said she messed up, and that she misses our life. She says that a lot. i miss our life. But never states that shes still in love with me. We did have a good life, and a good place, and good traditions. But thats not enough for a relationship to work.

I knew something like this would happen the minute I had another date set up. Its like the law of the world, that when you actually start moving on and planning a new future, things from the past will come by to bite you in the ass.

I am happy where I am right now. People keep asking that if, in the future, there was a chance to get back together; would I. I refuse to answer that question, because I think it gives false hope and such. If things are meant to be then they will be. Im going to continue living my life as if nothing will change in this aspect, and just enjoy it as much as possible. Maybe im maturing in my 30s?