One is the lonliest number?

I think 0 may be worse but there are plenty of songs that disagree.

So the hurricane is coming, or so they say. My roof is leaking so lets hope tomorrow isnt as bad as they say it will be.

Women are trouble. This ive learned over the past few months, though i knew it for the past few years as well. Ive been helping the ex with some computer problems and in the end have found some pictures of her and her gf (though she never refuses to use the word gf when around me). I understand not knowing what you want in life. I understand being fickle, and attracted to other people. Same thing happened to me a while back. I was attracted to someone else, but I didnt act upon it. She did. We broke up becuase she wanted to have sex with someone else. And now she is. One of the pictures was labeled "my love" which i wouldnt mind as much if she wasnt still fucking with me and telling me how much she missed everything.

Dont say you miss me, dont say you miss our life, especially if your off fucking around, and spending a hurricane weekend in Brooklyn with this girl. Honesty hurts, but at least its honest. I wouldnt be holding on to something if I knew there was nothing there in the long run. So just tell me the truth. Dont be fickle just for the fact that you can have 2 things at one time. Let me move on. Stop texting me, stop flirting with me, just let me be. This is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through and i feel like it just wont die.

One of my friends asked me yesterday, is this really what you want. I know the heart wants what it wants. And i know you dont ever just "get over" something. And until I saw these pictures, i was ready to let the infidelity go, and get back if she just said she wanted to. But she never will. Not until Im done and over it anyways. And now knowing that she loved this girl (photos were tiled My love) how could i ever really go back? A fling is one thing, love is another.

My only question is how does one move on, and not be shy and conservitive. Its so much easier when you were flirting beforehand, and had something waiting after a breakup, but i didnt have that. All i have left is insecurity, and doubt. The worst things to satrt first dates off of.

I dont mind who I am but its times likes this I has 5'6, 110 llbs, becuase its much easier for people to want you and check you out under those circumstances.

Goodnight all. Stay dry through this rain

Catching up

So i had the date, or meetup, or whatever it is these things are called. It went well. We talked for over 2 hours. Sadly, I dont think there was anything there for me though. There was so umph, or fireworks, or spark that made me want to go back out as many times as possible. We are going to meet up again on Wed, but I do not have high expectations. At least i can say I got my first blind date out of the way. It only took 30 or so years to do.

The Ex is becoming a pain in my ass again. We hung out almost everyday when i was on vacation. She was flirty, and texty, and got jealous when I was going on a date. She sucked me back in. Im like a yo-yo and when she gets bored she reels me back in. I told her I wasnt going to pursue her. That i made every single advance in our relationship. I also told her it was so hard for me to get over it in the first place. I made the mistake of giving her a time limit to decide what the hell she wants from me.

But since that day, and since she sucked me back in, shes pulled away again. I know shes been hanging out with the other girl, so I ask myself, why on earth do i do this to myself?

Women are emotionally stupid. This I know. We will make the wrong decisions 9 out of 10 times, because we follow the heart, and not the mind. And i keep asking myself, what if you do get back together? Can you ever really trust her again? Is she going to spend the next few months having a little bit of all, because she knows I will take her back after?

I know Im worth a lot. And i know I should never be someones "consideration" and instead their sure thing. No one should have to contemplate whether or not they want to be with me (or with anyone for that matter). Love is supposed to be simple like that. I know she loves me, but none of this is simple.

Instead of a enw years resolution, ive made a 30 resolution to lose the weight Ive gained in these past 3 years. No more drinking during the workweek (and with an apt full of wine, this is a very difficult task). Ive also been working out 4 times a week, 2 days cardio, 2 days weights.

This is where it gets difficult. I dont own a gym, so the ex's gym is the one Ive been using, and shes been showing me how to do the exercises properly. Without the gym, i dont have weights, so i might just have to make it a cardio regiment.

Im really trying to be sensible, and stay away. 2.5 months ago I never thought there would be a time I came home and didnt cry. And that hasnt happened for quite some time now. I dont want to go back to that.

I think the worst thing in the world is the fact that you can never truly get over someone until you find someone else, especially when you dont know who to look for or where or how to do it. Its times like this I wish it was easier to just pick up and go. Starting over is so much easier when youre actually starting everything over, and not just one small piece of your life.